by: Yvette Valdenegro
The number of adults entering marital commitments is significantly decreasing; however, the divorce rate remains between 44-46%. Even though the marriage percentage has decreased, it remains one of the most significant events in a person's life. When a marriage begins to break down, and partners begin to drift apart, the inevitable thought of divorce lingers in the foreground. It can become an unspoken idea that can take root and grow over time. If it matures to full fruition, you may begin to feel the weight of deciding on what to do. The inevitable do I or do I not get divorced hangs around our necks, choking the life out of the ability to determine. Just as getting married is a life-altering decision, so too is the decision to get divorced. At this level, we become overly consumed with right and wrong. We offer a few things to consider when thinking through your options.
Once you are in a relationship that reaches the heightened confrontations of contemplating divorce, you are at a crossroads of choices. Being grounded and having a realistic outlook for your future is extremely important. The stress and overwhelm can easily cloud your judgment and options. We feel debilitated in every area of our life. The negative thoughts have sprouted and created roots of despair, anger, and defeat. Even the strongest person experiences the debilitating effects of divorce. Feeling weak despite your physical strength and fatigue leads to immobilization. Sometimes this cloudiness affects us so much that the advice we would give our best friend we often overlook for ourselves. One fact will remain in your process of agonizing over divorce: No matter what you choose, you will need to go through a therapeutic process in the long run.
If you decide to stay married, the goal should be to seek help restoring the marriage. There are usually years of tension, lack of communication, isolation, maybe even adultery, physical neglect, and financial losses. All of these critical intimate subjects will need to be rebuilt and restored. Suppose the choice to be divorced is decided. In that case, the healthy objective is to also go through a restoration process. We may feel the desire to take revenge, cast a negative light on our ex-partner, or blame them for all wrongdoing. However, if the marriage has failed, you must choose your next steps. Do you decide to punish each other or begin the repair of the harm that has occurred? Both parties will experience a loss, and the ability to step back, look at the big picture, and begin to rebuild your life should start with YOU.
Listen to Redesigning Your Relationship Podcast for greater insight and discussion with hosts and Relationship Coaches Yvette Valdenegro & Geovanna Burgess White.
Watch & Listen to this episode of REdesigning Your Relationship Podcast Here:
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Geovanna Burgess White
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